Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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