Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize