Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There was a lot of him and a little penis
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
