so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
