...so i touched it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
