I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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