Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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