He uses pillows to masturbate.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
