I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
