I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
