so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
