Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
