ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
