Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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