Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
