i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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