He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
