there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
