Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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