i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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