New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
