How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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