oh god the rape fog is back!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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