we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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