If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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