There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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