and you said cock pushups were impossible
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
