I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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