i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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