I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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