She is in my trunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
