yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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