I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
