its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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