North Korea, Best Korea!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
