I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
