i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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