Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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