I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
