did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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