Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
