Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
