All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
