this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
