Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
