Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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