Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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