You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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