If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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