I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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