After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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