I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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