Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
