I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
