2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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