I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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