how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
