Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
