no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize