I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
