Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
