Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
