You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
