So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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