I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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