sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't think brook has ever known best
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
