She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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