Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My balls are so social today.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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