you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
time to smoke my breakfast
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
