I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
