then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
