Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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