nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
