For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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