..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
