I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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