the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
