Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
