i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
