so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
