Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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